Living the dream?? Not really. Does it matter? Not really.

 It's crazy how we take some things for granted. Like, how convenient it is to wash your ass when you don't have a cannula stuck in your left hand....yes that's right. I'm admitted to a hospital again. It's become an annual tradition thingy now... also, this stay made me realise how we take things like-making your tea or coffee any time you want, having a comfortable sleep cuddling with husband,washing your hair (and armpits) properly,eating whenever we want,comfort of our own bed,own toilet ,we take all these things for granted...its been just three days and I'm going crazy...

Also we need doctor House here. Because first they said it's a upper respiratory infection, then the X ray turned out good,then they diagnosed it's a lower respiratory infection,but I don't have cough or runny nose,finally,when I'm better and about to get discharged, they think it's a UTI

Whatever.

I'm feeling better now,and ready to leave this...well,it was a good break from work stress. I have nothing to do (not entirely true. I just started watching the Lock and Key on Netflix and it's pretty good. I actually wanted to watch Lucifer, but there's too much nude for a hospital). So here I am,updating my blog.

I just re- read a post in 2017. Did we buy a vehicle?. No. Did we move out of the country?also Nope. My husband doesn't like driving here.or that's what he keep saying to himself. He has a pretty bad temper. I don't wanna imagine how his road rage would be... we are still in the middle of migration process. But I'm millimetres away from giving up...this thing has delayed many good things that could've happened to us.

We didn't try for a baby because at the back if my mind I always worried how we're gonna manage things if we ever move out. We didn't invest properly, I didn't apply for a transfer because I always thought I could bear it until we migrate, we didn't treat ourselves properly because I always thought just about saving up...then, Corona entered our lives and everything turned upside down. 

I didn't know what I should do with my life anymore.giving up a stable job and moving for a place with uncertain future infront of us made me scared. I didn't know what I should do if I stay here. I hate this job...I just wanna job that i could love,and I'm not someone who's difficult to please. I was also worried about a baby. Do we make a baby now? Do we really need babies?lol. Everything was a mess....

Then I took a deep breath. (And few shots of Vodka) and told myself that everything is gonna be all right. We don't need a timer,or an agenda in our lives...we just need to live one...be good humans...provide to our families and society, make people that we love, and who loves us back happy,and just enjoy the moment....

Then I spent several hundred thousands to renovate,(re tile,new pantry)my husbands house,bought phones for both my mother's and mother in law's birthdays, went on a trip,treated ourselves (bought new clothes,bags,shoes and jewelry) and started an investment plan that'll give us 2million in five years...I know it's not much,but it's better than nothing. I also opened up two 100k investment plans for my mother and mother in law,as a gift. 

Doing all these things made me happy. Finally we rented out a better studio apartment type small annex near Nawala and started living independently. Loving it right now.

But,in a corner of my mind, the dream of migrating worries me like a cancer. It was my dream since I was a child.... I grew up looking up to my father,who used to work in Saudi and who sent money monthly to us, and who bought boxes full of gifts,toys,clothes,sweets and jewelry for mother...then when I was a teenager, my eldest brother migrated to Australia, all I saw was freedom,their travel photos, he sent money to us,and he bought things just like our father when he came back home...all I ever wanted in my life was to migrate to another country,earn dollars,travel and see all the countries and buy stuff for our families and actually afford things rather than living pay check to pay check.... I don't know whether it's the time to give up on it..we are getting old... I'm 31,turning 32 in few days...our parents are getting old.. and they need support... 

So....... it left me with a question.... should I just let go of my dream.....

Honestly.... I don't know ..... thinking about giving up make my heart ache a bit,but I think we'll be alright... we will be able to travel and see other countries... (we already visited Dubai .loved it.) We can afford it....and we can buy gifts and stuff in Sri Lanka as well....also, if we manage our expenses better,we can live pretty decently too....

So am I ok? yes. Am I unhappy? Sometimes yes. Finally......have I given up?lol.no. I'd still keep it as an option. I'm gonna apply for PR,then if I get PR I'd keep it as an option... in my life I love planning....my husband says that I become so energetic and enthusiastic whenever I plan things....so I'd like to plan ,and make contingency plans.....

If there anyone out there who feel lost as I do... just relax....take a deep breath and few glasses of whatever alcohol you prefer just decide to go with the flow...

I might not write in another year or so..that's how busy I am.. but I hope the future would be better....yours and mine.